Lose weight fast! All you have to do is follow three simple steps!

Ok since I have given you one blog post where I was bitching the whole time and another one that is horribly depressing I thought I could share my weight loss secrets with you. Consider it a gift for being so kind to me lately. Yes, I am writing this blog while eating a pizza and drinking a coke, and I have lost thirty pounds since being here. See I knew that gaining that disgusting 15 pounds before I came was worth it! I promise if you follow these steps you will loose weight too.

1. You know that nice convenient car you have sitting right outside your front door, time to move it. Find a huge hill where and park the car about 3.5 miles down it. This means no more multiple trips to the house with groceries, what you buy to eat for the week you must carry on your back up that hill. If you get excited and buy a small can of paint and a bottle of wine one weekend you will be carrying almost forty pounds up that dreadful hill. This also means that if you have forgot to get a phone number and need to set up a meeting you must get there somehow, even if it is four miles away up a very different hill. Then you want to charge your phone and laptop, well you better add five miles of walking unless you want to sit there for three hours waiting for things to charge. Oh look I just covered 13 miles today, where is my half marathon medal?!

2. Throw out that refrigerator, microwave, stove, and oven. You now cook over an open fire or a small charcoal stove. No fridge means you should say goodbye to those dairy products and meat you love so much. You can have meat when you go to town, it better be frozen solid because you have a hot 3.5 mile walk home, after hauling it around all day in the market of course. Cooking over a charcoal stove or on a fire will have you questioning if you are really hungry? I mean I did eat yesterday, that is good enough right? Is it really worth the preparation and waiting time? If you do decide you want to eat you should start the preparation about two hours before desired eating time. That means your blood sugar may drop a bit, keeping a jar of peanut butter and a spoon nearby is always handy.

3. The final step is attempt to live on a food budget of $15-20 dollars per week. Chips would be a great snack, oh they are $1.75 per medium bag, well they are going back on the shelf. Tuna would be great for an easy meal, it is $2.40 per can, well that is more than out of the budget! Same goes for all canned foods, drinks, and alcohol. These must be bought sparingly. Also you need to decide if it is worth carrying up that bloody (you're welcome my British friends, look what you have done to me) hill.

Hell if you feel like it, go crazy for awhile before starting this diet. Eat fast food six times a day, it does not matter. Once starting this diet all of the weight will just fall right off.

This picture makes me want to throw up the pizza and coke I just consumed, but I remembered I have that lovey walk home with so much stuff today. I will more than work it off.

Capetown for New Years, sorry about the awkward body shots, but I am not posing for any! Also sorry about the spills all over my dress, I knew I chose black for a reason.

Me in August vs in December.