Lessons Learned

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile now.

In the last few weeks I have been amazed by people.

Their compassion, kindness, and generosity.

I have also had my strength tested and heartbroken. 

In every situation I have been picked up by somebody.

The first and one of the hardest lessons I learned is that my heart is fragile.

I have always put up a tough exterior and when it comes to people

I can just let things go because I know that they have hurt me and they are generally not worth my sadness.

So I move on.

Having to put Douglas to sleep was the most difficult thing I have done so far in my life.

Pets love us so unconditionally, my dog would never do anything to hurt me.

All he wanted was my love and affection.

Because of his pure intentions and unconditional love, I hurt so badly to see him hurt.

I never knew that I could be so sad. 

Another thing I have learned is that nobody will ever love me more than my father does.

I have the best dad ever. 

He unlike many dads has been so involved in my life, and he has been a single dad for almost ten years now.

I called him no less than ten times the night I had to put Douglas to sleep.

I really felt his love for me when he started crying because I was sobbing so hard. 

My dad did not even like Douglas, he in fact was bitten by Doug once.

They did not exactly see eye to eye.

He supported me so much that day, just as he does everyday.

Even when he does not agree with my decisions (Africa for example).

Another lesson I learned was what love really is.

Loving something means putting every feeling you have aside and solely thinking of another's feelings and best needs. 

If I did not love Douglas I could not have done what I did.

When I told my dad I couldn't do it, he said I had to do it for my friend, he needed me.

Loving something so much is scary.

I am not much of a feelings type of person, I tend to have walls.

That dog broke right through them.

The final lesson I have learned is that people are amazing.

I think that we far too often hear about all of the bad people in this world. 

I have always believed the good far outweighs the bad.

And I have been proven right a billion times.

I have had friends constantly checking on me to see if I need anything.

I have amazing coworkers that understood and sympathized for me

(even the animal haters).

Examples:

A friend was kind enough to bring me food and wine then drive me to the vet that night.

She held me as I sobbed and took care of Rosie when Douglas needed me.

Another friend brought more food and sat with me after I got home.

The next day a friend invited me and Rosie over and bought me lunch.

My roommate gave me flowers and a card (she is also not a dog lover).

My coworkers all gave many hugs, some even cried with me, and bought me food.

I have been so over whelmed by all of this.

He was just a dog, but to me he was so much more.

And people understand and show compassion.

My vet staff was also amazing through this whole experience.

They are such kind and sympathetic people. 

My vet personally sent me a sympathy card, which meant so much to me.

And today I got home and he personally made a donation to the 

Pet Tribute at the College of Veterinary Medicine at KSU.

Douglas and my name are recorded in a memorial book at the library and the gift goes on to help other animals.

I have a feeling they do not do this for everyone.

Through all of this I am doing so much better.

I am glad that Douglas is no longer hurting and I know he had a great life.

Like my dad said, "It is shocking that little shit lasted so long, he should have been dead the day he was running under a dump truck trying to bite the wheels."

Yeah he was a very bad dog.

Rosie has also been helping me cope.

She is the best little dog, she has stayed right by my side.

I am currently contemplating sneaking her into my carry on.

I'm not sure a life of no AC is really her style though.

A huge thanks to everyone that has been there for me!

I love you all and could not have made it without you!

Asshole 1 and Asshole 2: You guessed it, this post is about the wieners.

If you have spent more than five minutes in my presence you will know at least one thing about me.

I have two wiener dogs; Douglas and Rosie.

And yes, they are assholes.

I'm writing this post with a very heavy heart today,

I will try to stop crying so there are not so many typos.

Douglas is currently at the vet, where he spends much of his time.

He is now in heart failure.

Among his many problems I have decided we are done.

I will be bringing him home and keeping him comfortable.

We are going on doggy hospice if you will.

No more new meds, no more tests, just keeping comfortable.

He was having so much trouble breathing last night that I rushed him to the vet this morning.

They have corrected the issue for now but the vet says without medication that he will just get back in the same situation. 

I have decided when that happens it is time.

Well on to the better stuff.

Back in 8th grade I wanted a dog of my own.

My parents were looking for a dog for me but the one they had picked did not work out.

So my mom and I were just making our trip into the pet store like we did every single time we passed.

There was tiny little Douglas.

So stinking cute!

I of course begged my mom and when she said she would have to talk to my dad, I pulled the whole, "How many times has he brought home animals without your permission?"

Yeah you better believe that worked like a charm.

So we bought that cute little dog and headed home.

The breeder gave us some anxiety medicine for him to help make the transition smoother.

This should have been our first clue.

  

I had Douglas for about three months and decided I wanted another wiener so we could eventually breed them.

That is how we got sweet little Rosie.

From the very beginning the two were so in love.

Even with their opposite personalities.

Douglas is obsessive, anxious, active, and not very lovable.

Rosie is calm, lazy, and loves every person she ever meets (except our maintenance man, I still can't figure it out.)

Being the adorable married couple they are, they had lots of babies.

Rosie thrives on being a mother and being in charge.

She has a very tough love style that I will mimic when I have babies of my own.

She was an amazing mother, so much so that she often stole the other dog's puppies.

Douglas on the other hand wanted nothing to do with that shit.

You always knew when the puppies were born because no matter what the weather was Douglas was sitting outside of the dog box (yes believe it or not they lived outside for the first 7 years.)

He was so afraid of the puppies and probably more so of the wrath of Mama Rosie.

Douglas was always a very bad dog.

I am now realizing he was just so bored and did not get the attention he needed.

A couple of Douglas' favorite past times are chasing cars and killing anything he can get a hold of.

I think Douglas' hit list includes; 18 pigeons, a kitten, moles, rats, rabbits, who knows what else.

If it is little and furry he will do his best to destroy it.

We have moved that aggression onto squeaker toys.

I have probably spent about $1,000 in the last three years trying to keep up with the mass destruction.

Douglas also has a lot of anxiety and OCD.

To cope with anxiety he licks things, over, and over, and over again. 

He is obsessed with very few things, his list in order of importance is:

me, Rosie, food, and toys.

I cannot go anywhere without Douglas right there at my feet staring at me.

Rosie is constantly being begged for some ear cleaning.

If he has a toy, it will be squeaked until it does not squeak anymore.

If a toy is stuck somewhere he will do whatever it takes to try to get said toy.

 One of the "indestructible" toys about bought. This was five minutes after he got it.

I left a toy on the bed that day, never again.

Sometimes you have to go to great lengths to protect your bone.

Rosie cleaning Doug's ears as always.

Typical look I get all day.

Rosie is a princess.

That is the best word to sum her up.

I hate finicky and particular dogs.

That is exactly what I ended up with.

Rosie is perfectly happy if she has a soft blanket and either Douglas or I with her.

She is unable to pee or poop in the grass, it tickles her butt.

Running though the grass to chase cats is even very difficult, she chooses the path that is most worn.

Rosie does not enjoy other dogs, except her husband and puppies of course.

One of Rosie's least favorite places in the world is the dog park,

she always finds some human that will have pity on her and pick her up.

Rosie has the biggest sweet tooth of any dog I have ever seen.

I often just shove a handful of candy in my mouth standing up so I do not have to see her bounce 500 times per minute in hopes that she will get a piece.

 Being a princess is hard work.

The wieners have become my little family.

They have been through some of my hardest days with me.

I love waking up every morning with Rosie always on my right and Douglas on my left.

I may never have much room in the bed, but I cannot help but love how they always need to be touching me.

The love they share is unbelievable. 

My favorite part of coming home is being greeted ecstatically.

The big kiss I get from Doug when I carry him down the stairs is the best.

They have been my biggest worry in leaving.

Who will be able to take care of Douglas and all of his needs?

Will they know when the right time is to put him to sleep?

I think that Douglas in a way is doing me a favor.

Seeing that x-ray today and the size of his heart just let me know that it is not good.

I know that his quality of life has been extremely diminished because of his arthritis.
So I have to do what is fair for him.
I am not looking forward to these next few weeks of trying to figure out when it is time.
But I have to trust that he will let me know.
I am just going to enjoy the last little bit of time I have left with him, and hope that I gave him everything he could have ever wanted or needed. 

Even though they are assholes, they are the best dogs I have ever had and could ever wish for and I have loved all of the time I have been able to spend with them.