Let's talk about sex

Tonight I did just that with about 40 teenagers. I went in with a message I planned on getting across and that is it. I did not have a lesson plan, or many notes, I just wanted to talk. I realized I have never talked to teenagers about sex before, I also knew that I had a group with a variety of ages, and I had girls and boys mixed. I figured this was all a recipe for disaster. Well instead it went perfectly. My main statement ended up being this; do not be afraid of knowing you have HIV, be afraid of not knowing that you have HIV.

I started the lesson with some questions, what is HIV? How do you transmit HIV? Like I figured the children knew the answers, they are taught abstinence is best, use condoms, blah, blah, blah. Yes this is an important message, I just do not feel it is a realistic one. People are also taught to be afraid of getting HIV, if you have sex you will get pregnant and die!! Hello, Mean Girls. That obviously did not work, those girls were sluts. I believe this mentally of teaching has made people fear HIV so much that they are in denial that HIV is present in their communities. Also people and even teenagers are going to have sex. So I think it is about time we get over it and stop yelling at them to not have sex. It is not working.

So as I have said in my last blog, being aware of HIV and being on ARVs is the key. If people here are tested and their CD4 counts are monitored and managed, the transmission rate will reduce significantly, even when condoms are not being used. Also people will have a normal life expectancy and have a perfectly normal and healthy life. The problem is they are taught to be ashamed of HIV, you have it and it passes like wildfire, and then you will die a horrible death of AIDS. This has made people live carelessly I believe, they either are in denial or they think they will die anyway, so what is the point? I asked how many of the teens had been tested for HIV. It was about 10%. I told them I feared this was the same with the adults in the communities. I kept reinforcing that being tested and having early management is the key. I am hoping this message got through!

I did also ask what are cultural beliefs regarding sex. Of course the answers were horrible, but I was not shocked in anyway. One boy said the elders tell boys that their is "dust" inside of their bodies that they only get rid of through having a lot of sex. Then there is the belief that when you marry a man you must let him have sex with your younger sister as his prize. Also I have learned that teenage prostitution is a huge issue in this community. Many girls are struggling to eat, so they are having sex for cash (of course I have ideas to work on fixing this.More to come later.). I have learned they are even having sex with their own family members. After knowing all of this the pastor stands up to say sex outside of marriage is sin, so do not do it. This made me very angry. You think it is ok for men to have multiple wives and quite frankly screw everything that moves, yet know you are saying just don't do it. How about instead we talk about respect in a sexual relationship and girls taking charge of their own bodies and health, and boys respecting the girls they have sex with? I am happy that the pastor wants to talk about HIV in his churches, but we are first going to have to talk about how it is not something to be shamed and I want him to encourage people to find out their status. Then say whatever you want about sins, I don't care.

I also think the more we make people feel ashamed of sex, the less they will talk. I want openness! I think the more questions they ask the better. It is a good thing I have this policy because I thought the questions would never end tonight. Here are some examples:
If a black man has sex with a white woman can he get HIV?
If a person with HIV is bitten by a mosquito can HIV be passed to a non-infected person like malaria is?
If a girl has sex with a boy with HIV and uses a condom, can she then pass the HIV onto the next person if she does not use a condom?
Can HIV be transmitted if both people are in the water during sex?
Can you get HIV from washing somebody's underwear if they were on their period during wearing them?
Can you get HIV if you get their blood in your mouth?
If I do not want to use a condom then what do I do?

I was so impressed with their questions. I remember my sex ed class where there was complete silence or where the teacher did not want to answer certain questions. I will answer anything without a slight bit of embarrassment, I think that is so important when talking to anyone about topics such as these. Even after the three hour lesson (I had planned about an hour for this!) the kids were still enthusiastic.  They have said they want more classes and they are going to have their own little meeting in the morning for some discussions about future classes.

I am so pleased with how it went, especially when I was expecting a disaster! I am going to be taking this topic and spreading it all over the village. I think in the new year I would like to start some sort of testing campaign and encourage everyone to get tested! I am sure the nearest clinic will be not thrilled with me, I hope we blow through their supplies almost quicker than they can get them!

I'm sorry if this is not quite the sex talk you were expecting. Now go get tested for HIV!

Creepy Crawlies

I am becoming very adjusted to the village life. I am successfully cooking over my fire, taking my showers with a bucket, washing clothes and dishes by hand constantly, and getting used to walking miles just to get anywhere. The one thing I am not getting adjusted to is the damn bugs! I don't mind bugs usually, I don't even kill them all the time. I go with the policy if they are not touching me they are fine. The critters in my house need to be informed of this policy very soon. The bats are doing a fine job, they stay near the roof, just make their high pitched squeaking noises and shit all over my stuff. This, I am ok with. Feeling something crawling on me and reaching down to feel something slimy is not ok. Also being woken up in the middle of the night by the huge cockroach sort of thing crawling on me is not acceptable. Finding a scorpion in my frying pan and what looked like a tiny tarantula in my clothes is not the best feeling. I do not mind them there, but I am afraid they will soon be in my bed and shoes. You better believe after this week I make my bed everyday and tuck my mosquito net tightly under the mattress, I then shake out my sheets before getting into bed. Mary has told me that she thinks using chlorine to clean with will keeps bugs away. I will be buying some today!

The Jah Jah Jah, yes this was last week but it still haunts me.

Fuzzy spider, I took my this picture to Mary to see if it was dangerous, she was not home, her daughter Linda (9) saw the picture, grabbed a stick and said, "tien" (let's go). She came and killed it immediately. Best kid ever.

Other than all of the bugs, things are going great. My schedule is full everyday. I have met with some government people about the opening of the clinic, so far they seem to not be getting anywhere (T.I.A! (this is Africa). I had submitted a proposal letter (yeah I had no idea how to write one, thanks google!) and think I am going to take the letter onto the Presidential Initiative for Safe Motherhood (the goal is to decrease the number of maternal deaths during childbirth), hopefully that will speed the process up a bit. I have had an education session with community members on malaria and they want more training! We also had an impromptu games session with the children surrounding the clinic. It was insane how many children showed up, I would guess about 250! Mr. Mhango (projects coordinator for Consol Homes) lead the games. He is the most enthusatic person I have ever met! The children love and respond to him so well, it is so fun to see him in action. Next week we are going to have some people with instruments come for a dance session. I am pretty excited about this!

Some of the kids that showed up to play games.

Mr. Mhango with a winner of one of the games. I think he is a bit happier than she was. 

                                 

I found a good job for me while taking pictures.

                   

In case you needed a reason to smile today, the little kids being ducks.

                                       



                                   
This week I am going to begin working with some of the orphans and vulnerable children, I am playing games and doing some health education with three different age groups. I have also requested to spend a couple of days with the home based care volunteers to see a few patients. I am meeting with people positive with HIV and the guardians whom take care of HIV positive children for a talk/small education session, I am really interested how they feel the community views them and what their knowledge of HIV is. Then we are having a meeting with the other volunteers in the community. Mr. Mhango, Mary, and I have spoken a lot about problems within the organization. They feel there is lack of motivation from the volunteers. I completely understand why. They are not rewarded in anyway. They do not get paid nor do they get recognized for their good work. Consol Homes has been open for 10 years, some volunteers have been with them and working hard the whole time. Other volunteers do not work and they get the same reward when there are any to be given. I have mentioned the idea of having volunteer of the quarter, from each department a volunteer who has done outstanding work will be recognized at a meeting, given a certificate, and a small reward such as oil or soap. Then at the end of the year we will choose a volunteer of the year from each group and I will take them on a trip somewhere to lunch. I have also told Mr. Mhango that he needs to do surprise visits to different sites and see who is working and who is not. Right now most of the volunteers have very poor work ethic because nobody is checking in on them, and they have not really been instructed what to do. I have also said there is no way even I would work for free without a reward here. It is too hard to manage a household and then have other responsibilities. I believe they need to see how their work is making a change and also be rewarded for working hard. I am excited to see how this will make a difference!

Mr. Mhango also has so many ideas for things he want to do. One idea he has is holding a debate with the adults in the community. He said one topic he thinks would be a good one is having child brides. I think this is an amazing idea! I think it is so important to talk about and debate topics like this. Especially in a place where culture is such a huge influence. I think it will be interesting to see if anyone leaves with a new opinion on subjects or a least a more open mind.

It is hard to feel like it is the holiday season around here. It is still hot everyday and I am getting burnt constantly. Time to break out the sunscreen again! I have a trip planned with three girls from Ripple for the holidays. We are headed to South Africa! I am really excited about it, besides the approximately 6-7 days I will be spending on a bus. It will be so nice to get a break from rural Africa and to spend some time with friends for a bit. My family is sending me pictures of the snow which made me a little sad, then I remembered I will be on the beach in Jefferys Bay for Christmas, maybe attempting to surf. Suddenly the sad feelings went away.

I hope you all are enjoying your cold weather and snow, I am definitely missing it right now. When you feel it is too cold remember me lying in my bed too hot trying to decide if I should get under my sheet to protect myself from bugs crawling all over me.

My sassy little neighbor with her mother. 

Sunset view from behind my house. 

This was the cutest thing, the toddlers were the protectors of the borehole. They were armed with their sticks and had the job of chasing any livestock away.