One of the most frustrating things I am dealing with is the lack of motivation. The organization has not had any funding therefor cannot pay any of its employees. Well it turns out that people getting paid do not want to work. I need a translator in order to get anything done! I have decided my Chichewa is equivalent to that of a two year old's ability to speak. The other day I told a man, "You, we go home. You, I am coming tomorrow morning at 7:30." I think he figured out I said he could go home and he actually did come the next morning at 7:30. But other than knowing how to say, goat, eggs, chicken, baby, you, me, and let's go, I am lost. I cannot communicate with any villages chiefs let alone teach a lesson on my own. This makes me feel very helpless and lazy some days. One day everything was cancelled for the day (which seems to happen most days since I have been back from South Africa), I was so bored I read an entire book, washed my clothes, cleaned my house, and walked about 3 miles just to charge my phone, by three o'clock I did not know what the hell to do with myself. My frustrations just kept growing with each little thing. It is hard to not be able to talk to anybody about things either. Every time I try to tell a Malawian that I am upset or even if I am just trying to stay on top of something they say, "Don't worry, don't worry" and laugh. I think they are pretty lucky they have not been punched yet. A very good example of this was, I had been talked into lending somebody money, 8,000 kwacha, she still owed me 2,000 kwacha from two months before. That equals about $25. I know that does not seem like a lot, but that is my weekly budget right now, and I really cannot afford that much. Anyway, I asked her if she was going to pay me back before I left for the weekend, she laughed and said yes, yes, don't worry. Well I was fucking worried, and guess what, I only got 6,500 kwacha back. So now she will owe me the other 3,500 until I leave I am sure.
The day before I was due to meet Anna (friend I met at Ripple) in Lilongwe I was just fuming mad, everything had beyond built up. I just wanted to charge my phone. Well this was even a chore, nobody had power. I finally found somebody that would charge it for me almost two miles from my house, because I did not want to walk 8 miles I stayed and waited for it to charge. I am smart enough to always bring a book with me wherever I go now. Well children were gathered around watching me read, this was annoying me, but I did not say anything. Then they were fighting and running with wet feet on concrete floors, pushing baby goats down who were slipping and falling onto the concrete floors. I was more than annoyed, a few times I told them to stop and that would last about ten seconds. But I did knew it was not fair to take my frustrations out of them, instead I very passively aggressively would mumble, "If you have a head injury to not expect me to be your fucking nurse today, I am not in the mood." Then I decided it was best if I just left because it was not their fault I was angry. On my way back through a kid, who yes was the one doing most of the goat pushing and running around, was being carried out by two other kids. An older man walking by just grabs a stick and starting beating the kid. I am still not sure what the kid did wrong, but unless he murdered somebody he did not deserve to be beat this way. The kid who was probably around 10 years old was screaming and the man was hitting him with this branch, first I just stopped and said, "What did he even do? Why are you hitting him?" Then the man hit the kid in the face, pushed him to the ground, and broke the stick off so it would hurt even more. I had enough, I lost it. I went over there and was screaming at the man, how I kept my hands to myself I am not sure. But he finally stopped and looked at me, "I said you do not hit kids in the face!" He just continued to look at me, I said, "Fuck you!" I know he did not know English, but I am sure he can guess what I said. I have decided I think I need to add fuck you to my toddler like vocabulary. I am not sure it will make me feel as good though. I know that was not the proper way to act, but I think I need to just let it out here, nobody gets really angry or talks about frustrations or listens, so if screaming fuck every now and then helps me, then I am ok with it.
I then walked as fast as I could towards home, I need to call my dad and let some of it out. Of course skype barely works in the village anymore and all he could hear was me crying. He said, "Why don't you just come home?" I swear sometimes it is as if he does not know me, all this did was frustrate me more. I screamed, "How many times did I call you crying from home? I never call you crying from here! I am just mad! I am allowed to be mad sometimes!" He then said he thought I could do more good at home. Well that got me on another rant. I think he just gave up after that.
Thankfully the next day I was off to see Anna. Just knowing I was leaving that morning for a bit made me feel so much better. I then got to Lilongwe and was immediately frustrated by drunk men in my face, a few more fuck yous were thrown out but I managed to make it to the office to work on my visa. Before I left for South Africa I applied and paid for a Temporary Residence Visa, I was told it was valid for 6 months regardless if I left the country or not. Well on my way back in Malawi they told me it was no longer valid because I left the country. So I went back to try to sort it out. The same officer who gave me the last visa now said, "Oh no it is not valid if you leave the country." Me, "Why did you tell me it was then? I said I was going to South Africa." Officer, "Well if you want one that is good to leave the country you have to go to Blantyre." I was so annoyed, she could not have told me that before? So I got two more months of an extension and will have to go try to sort it out in April. It sucks though because it makes my visa not match up with the amount of time I want to be here. My new goal is to make it til December. My money is running out and it is just nice to have a goal sort of close. We will see what happens come December though!
So I finished up at the immigration office where I of course had to stand in line for over an hour just to pay. A woman behind me was not happy that I wanted to not be smashed in the line, she stood so close her boobs where hitting my back the entire time. You can imagine what this did for my anger level, then at one point I maybe let the man in front of me get about 12 inches away (in America I would have still been invading his personal space) and the woman behind me tapped me and said, "Scoot up!" I turned to her and said, "It is not going to get you to the front of the line any faster!" She left me alone after that. So when I finished I went straight to Mabuya and ordered a double rum and coke and waited on Anna. She showed up and we had dinner, then decided we should go out. Neither of us had ever been out in Lilongwe, I have been invited by a lot of people but have always just went to bed. Well we were immediately offered a ride and to be chauffeured around. We drank and danced and had a good time. After about two hours of sleep we woke up and got ready to head to Liwonde National Park, it is only about 40km from my house. Of course when we got to a bus we had to sit in it two hours before it left. We were a bit worried about getting there after dark, just because we did not know the place and how to get there. When we arrived to the bus stop there was so many men in our faces as usual. They were insistent on taking us on a bicycle taxi, it was rainy and getting dark, plus we had a lot of things, so we said no. Then a man finally agreed to take us in a car, well he took forever and another truck pulled up, so we got in. The truck was barely functioning, bicycle taxis were passing us, the windshield wipers did not work either and it was dark and raining. The man we had promised to take yelled at us and jumped in the back of the truck, I kept checking to make sure he did not throw our stuff out. I was also worried Anna was going to fall out of the truck, the door would barely shut, we joked that at least we were moving so slow she could just get up and climb right back in. The ride down was so long and I was not sure we were going to make it, they kept trying to raise the price also. Anna at one point said, I am laughing because if I was not laughing I would be crying. I was glad I was not the only one feeling this way. Well we finally made it and I refused to pay what they asked. After dinner we went straight to bed.
The next day we went on a boat safari, the river was filled with hippos. Our guide had pretty much no knowledge of animals I am sure. She would say, see they are greeting you, oh these hippos are so friendly that is why we get so close to them in the boat. Umm... lady did you know hippos kill more people than any other type of animal in Africa? One day I think a hippo will decide it is not actually so friendly and they will see they are not greeting everyone, it was a warning all of these years. She did know that hippos produce pink milk, Anna and I felt the need for google to back this up for us, it is actually true. We were unable to go out on a truck safari that afternoon so we went the next morning. Our safari truck was a pickup with a bench set in the back. But it worked! I was really disappointed we did not see any elephants. Well they kept trying to show them to us about 1 mile away in the binoculars, I did not care to see them that far away, I wanted them close! I think during the dry season I will go back, you see a lot more animals then. We did see lots of warthogs which have become one of my favorite animals, they are so funny.
Monday afternoon Anna and I headed back to my house, she wanted to see the village. I was excited to have a visitor. Walking up the huge hill to my house we met Mary on her bike. She said, "Kendall I do not want you to worry but we saw that your back window has been removed. Your wardrobe is opened and stuff is all over the floor." I realized somebody had broke in. I thought, well I have my valuables with me so no big deal. I did not think of what else they would want in my house. Anna and I got back to survey the damage. There were so many people I have worked with gathered around my house. They were all concerned about what had happened. I started going through my stuff and realized a lot of stuff was gone. They took one of my huge duffel bags and filled it with tons of stuff; running shoes (I think I am most angry about these missing), my small backpack, tons of t-shirts, running shorts, tank tops, chitentes, all of my bedding, battery charger, solar battery converter, rice, sugar, soy sauce (so annoying because I cannot find any around here!), milk powder, and all of my dvds (about 70). I am pretty annoyed that somebody thinks they can do this to me and get away with it. I finally realized, wait people here are so nosy and somebody saw something. Well a woman did see the man with my stuff. So my neighbor Davey has been working endlessly to try to find the guy. On Wednesday I went with Davey to a market nearby to make sure he was not selling my stuff there. I did not see anything except a goat being tied to a tree and slaughtered, it made me want to throw up. I have decided not to go to the market early in the mornings anymore and to stay away from the meat section. After the market Davey wanted to go into the village because he got a tip from somebody. I went to the police station to file my official complaint. I was already annoyed when I got there because they acted like they did not know what I was talking about, Mary had already been to the police station twice. He took my statement and I asked what are you going to do about it. He said we will investigate. I said how? He did not have an answer. Davey called and said that he found the guy in the village and I should come with the police. This policeman and his colleges were moving much slower than I do. The policeman said, "Oh Kendall you like moving." I said, "Yes, I do not like to walk slow, I also like to run." He said, "I am the best runner, like a cheetah." I said, "Well I bet I can run further than you." He said, "I do not think so, I ran 10k once!" I looked at him and laughed and said, "When I get my running shoes back we will see who can run further." I am determined to show him I am better than he is. Well we got into the village, they did not want me to come because they said it would be suspicious. I told him they do not know how to work or get anything done so I need to monitor that they are doing so. The guy ran before we had even got there. I said, "Well you need to go back and get him then! He will return home sometime." They laughed and said, "Kendall he is a criminal." I said, "Oh I see you do not know how to catch criminals." One police officer kept saying, "You see Kendall we use intelligence to catch them." I said, "Actually you do not do jack shit. You have never caught anybody in your life." He said, "We will arrange a time to go back to his house." I said, "When?!" He said, "We will arrange a time." I said, "Oh in two weeks? It has been two days and you have not once left your office trying to help me!" Then I started walking faster and was getting angrier. One policeman was laughing and I heard him saying, "Two days." Well I lost it again, "I said oh you think it is fucking funny? Yes it has been two days and you have not done shit. By the time you get off of your fucking asses to do anything my stuff will be gone!" They shut up for a few minutes then and stuck to speaking in Chichwea. I felt bad that Davey saw me get this upset and yell, but I knew in order for them to do anything it needed to happen. Davey told me later that night the policemen said they are going to work as hard as they can, they do not want me to be angry with them again. I guess a bystander also said, "Oh Kendall was very angry." I think I might have a temper added to my reputation soon. It is more than true so I am ok with it.
Oh course I have heard nothing back about my stuff, and I do not think I will be getting anything back. The organization hired a watchman for me. They wanted him there 24/7. I am not sure how one man could be there full time and I want my privacy. I am fearful what they wanted was my laptop, I think the break in happened because I have been taking my laptop out to charge now. But I do not think anybody will come in at night, and if they do I am prepared to fight. Nobody here is malicious or violent. I think I am probably the most angry violent person in this whole country. I have been told I should hire a witch doctor. I was all for it if the witch doctor knew the robber and said he would cast a spell on him if he did not return my stuff. But then I was told a witch doctor in Ntcheu was good, this is over 20 miles from my house. I quickly told them magic is bullshit and I am not paying them for anything.
In other news I have continued my teaching HIV at the schools. Turns out I hate primary school kids and trying to teach them. I would like to stick with secondary school if I could. I also did sexual behavior surveys in one school. I am not sure how truthful the kids actually were, many of them said they have never had sex. Some did admit to many partners, never using condoms, and either taking money or paying for sex. I will be interested to see what the next school shows, I may try to conduct the surveys in a different way. I then met a 17 year old girl who is a prostitute and pregnant. I was shocked at her honesty, she said no she never uses condoms, men say if I am paying for sex I am not using a condom, she also started prostituting at 16, she has about one man per week, for each time she has sex she charges 2,500 kwacha, this is almost $6. I was shocked that she actually gets paid that much, it angers me because of the level of poverty here, yet people can find that much money to pay for sex. She is an orphan, both of her parents died when she was a toddler, she has been living with her grandmother. Her grandmother knows she is a prostitute and has not said anything to her about it (I believe it is encouraged), her sister told her that she needed to become a prostitute. I asked about the baby's father, she states that she knows who it is, it was one of her clients. I asked what is she going to do if the father does not take responsibility for the baby, she said she will find another man that will.
Prostitution is such a problem in the village I live in. I think this week since I have nothing to do I want to go to the markets and offer girls some money to tell me their stories. I want to know more about what is really happening. I have also heard there is a 13 year old orphan that is pregnant, I want to talk to her as well. It makes me sick that young girls must live this life, and then they have babies that cannot be properly cared for.
I have also picked up a bunch of condoms and HIV testing kits, I plan to do some outreach teaching and offer HIV testing on the spot. I went to the closest clinic this week and it is appalling how few people are tested. This needs to change! I am also planning on meeting with the District Health Officer in a couple of weeks, I am going to ask if I can volunteer on the Pediatric Ward every couple of weeks for a shift. I need some hospital and actual medical work, teaching is great but I miss being a nurse. I also hope they will appreciate my help and stock me up with things like condoms and HIV testing kits when I come. And maybe it will make them do something about the clinic in my village! It will be hard to ignore me when I am always around!
The last project I have on my plate right now is trying to get a grant from the U.S. government. The grant is supposed to be for income generating activities. I had already been brainstorming that I could do before I knew about the grant. The most simple and (hopefully) effective thing I could think of is a chicken project. I want to start out with about 100 chicks, raise them, and when they start to multiply give them out to villagers. I also want to make an application process, if a person meets a certain criteria, for example has an under fiver year old under weight or has so many children and has lost their spouse, is caring for orphans, they can get a few chickens for free. If people are not eligible for free chickens, or want more chickens, I would like them to do a job to earn the chickens, such as build toilets for the preschool, participate in a HIV awareness campaign, or other things to help the community. Chickens can be useful to a family in many ways, eggs, chicks, manure for fertilizer, and meat. They can sell some of these things and if they do not sell they can also use them in their household for an improved diet. I also would like to buy as many chick as possible for my start up flock in the village, it will be a great way to put money into the village. I need to look at the application and get working on it. Not easy to do when I do not have power in my house.
Well I will stop my ranting, I think it has went on long enough. I need to get ready to head home. I only have about 50lbs to carry up my 3.25 mile hill. Yay! I am currently debating if I can afford the bottle of wine I want, I didn't buy a blanket so I could afford it. I figured I will just layer up my clothes at night and be fine. I have priorities.
If you do not want to read all of that here are some pictures from the past few weeks.
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| This is the baby the family has requested I name. Meet baby Douglas. No I did not tell them it is after my dead dog. |
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| Martha and Kate are best friends and pretty darn cute. |
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| Our fancy safari truck. |
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