I have been very lucky, I am a heterosexual white woman from a middle class family. In my life I have not had to deal with discrimination. I know that not all women in America feel this way, I do attribute a lot of security in being a woman to my upbringing. My father worked for our family business of running a golf course, this meant even on long work days I was able to go along. He also has always had the ability to take off work to make it to any event I have had. I remember being a little girl and my dad telling me I am capable of anything in the world and to never let anybody tell me I cannot do something because I am a girl. I have tagged along for hunting trips, assisted in taxidermy, learned to change spark plugs in a golf cart, was taught to mow greens and fairways before I was even heavy enough for the safety switch to recognize I was actually in the seat (this meant we had to put bricks behind the seat and my dad made me promise to not fall off), my dad rooted for me when I was racing my older brother across the yard, and he loved nothing more than when I was scrappy while playing coed soccer in high school. I know this is not the normal behavior of every father and I am very lucky, I definitely will fight back any man that every tries to make me feel less for being a woman. That does not make me immune to issues in our society though, cat calls while running down the street, being looked at as a slut for having sex, and being judged because of what I wear or how I behave. I am lucky that my upbringing has made me confident in who I am and I do not often care about judgement from others or feel the need to follow society's rules for women. I will do what I am comfortable with, and I have my own morals and values, if I wanted your opinion I would ask. I wish that women did not have to even deal with this sort of judgement by society. This is also a problem everywhere in the world. Mhango told me at the dance we had on Friday, "Kendall, do you see how those girls are dancing? Look at them, they are probably prostitutes." I replied, "Yes I see how they are dancing, I was just dancing with them. Not all girls who dance or even have sex are prostitutes. If they want to have sex, fine by me, I hope they use protection. I am not worried about sex, I am worried about girls who have to have sex to make a living. That is what needs to stop, but these girls have the right and freedom to do as they please."
But we have things a lot better than many places in the world. This has been very evident to me here, especially not that I live right in the village and am aware of what happens. I have already told you about the prostitution, and sexual practices that make women victims, this time it is domestic violence.
*Disclaimer, if the word fuck offends you do not read this, and I also don't know how we are friends, you should know by now it is my favorite word, well second favorite, I will keep the first for only very special occasions.*
On Thursday I was sitting in the library charging my phone and laptop waiting for a meeting with the chiefs to discuss the chicken project. Mhango comes up to the library and says, "Kendall, a woman has been badly beaten at Khomera, are you coming with me?" I said yes, I will go. We start walking and I said, "Who beat her?" Mhango replied, "Her husband, he is the man who charges your phone at Kaminga grounds." I immediately was shaking with anger, I lately have just had enough, as you know, and I am especially sick of the way women are treated. I flew into a complete rage, I do not remember what all I said, a few key things were Mhango saying things like, "Kendall, Kendall, Kendall" while chuckling, "We do not even know the story, we need to investigate and counsel." I said things like, "Fuck you, fuck your culture, and fuck this country, I am so tired of the bullshit! I will not counsel a man who beat his wife! She needs to leave him and he needs to go to jail! If you do not like what I am going to say to him then I suggest you do not come with me." He ended up stopping to talk to some guys while I marched on, I knew where the man lived and I had a few things to say about the situation. I had also heard that this event was seen by many people in the community and nothing was done, this outraged me even more. I got to the man's house and was shaking I was so mad, I yelled the usual, "Odi! Odi!" this means excuse me and that is basically how they knock. He came out and I said, "Hi. I have heard you hit your wife." He said, "No." I also do not remember a lot of this one way screaming match either, I was too mad. I said things like, "You are a fucking asshole! I would love to beat the shit out of you so you know how it feels! You do not hit women! I hope you rot in hell!" You know that sort of thing. His wife had come out upon my request and was sitting on a chair, she had a split eyebrow that was bandaged. The husband became very angry with me and walked away. I was very glad that his wife was there, his daughter, and all of the women in the surrounding houses, I wanted them to know that I will not tolerate this behavior and I will stand up. Mhango got there and the husband was speaking to him in Chichewa, well I am not an idiot I know what he was saying, she is out of line coming here to yell at me and stuff like that. It just set me off more, "Oh you do not know what to do for once in your life when a woman stands up to you, funny how you are not so sure how to deal with it." Mhango told me to, "Keep quiet." Wrong thing to say, "Oh yes you are right, I am a woman I should just keep quiet and let of you men deal with this is a calm manner. No women do not have a right to get angry and speak up, I am not going to keep quiet! Somebody needs to stand up for the women and girls of this country!" He then did not respond and I said, "Well are you going to fucking translate for me or not? I want to ask the wife if she has any other injuries." He said, "We are waiting for Mr. Chapomba and going to do some counseling." I said to the husband that was staring at me, "Here's your fucking counseling, stop being a fucking asshole!" Then I said to Mhango, "I am not sitting here and holding the hand of a fucking wife beater to tell him how to work on his problems, it is wrong and he needs to go to fucking jail!" I then stormed off, I could no longer contain my anger, and there were garden tools nearby that were begging me to put straight through Mhango's and the husband's heads.
I went back to the library and called my dad, I just needed to vent a bit. I know that for anyone that is not here they think, oh it is just culture and that is the way it is. I'm sorry but this is a poor fucking excuse for a man to be a prick. It is not a culture I will accept or tolerate, I plan to try to do something about it. I also feel that I am living in this community and I have a responsibility to stand up, sitting idly by would be just as bad as beating the women myself. I also think of the beautiful, strong, and joyful little girls I have in my life. They do not deserve a future like this. I love these girls, loving them means fighting for them and fighting for a change.
Luckily once back in the library I had work to do, so it took my mind off of the situation and I had already done some brainstorming earlier that day about how to empower women. I conducted the meeting and then went straight to Mary's house, I told her the situation and I also told her other things I am very frustrated with. She is a very good listener and I know that she fully understands the way women are treated here is wrong. I have decided I want to start a women's rights group, I think one committee should consist of women and the other should of men. I also went to the police station this morning and have asked them to come speak to the community about this issue and what the legal ramifications are for men who do beat their wives. It is jail time. While in the police station the officer I yelled previously while we were looking for my stolen belongings was taunting me by laughing and making statements while I was talking to the officer in charge. When I came in I decided I was not going to bring up the issue of my stuff not being found, but he asked for it. I stopped my conversation and said to him, "Hey, how is the investigation going?" He started talking, I interrupted and said, "Actually I do not give a shit, you still have not returned my stuff so you can shut the hell up." I then returned back to the head officer with a smile. I am fully aware I am a bitch at times, but he should know by now that I am not going to tolerate his taunting behavior. We ended up agreeing that they will come to the school near my village and do community education on Thursday afternoon. I did learn that women themselves have to report the issue, it cannot be reported on their behalf. This is going to be a much harder battle to fight, I hope if we get a women's right committee started they can be advocates for these battered women and encourage them to press charges. I left the office with a very cheery, "I hope a lot of assholes go to jail. Zikomo (thank you)!"
My computer every so kindly crashed in the middle of writing this blog post, I want to remind my computer that I live in the middle of nowhere in one of the poorest countries in the world, this means I may not be able to even find parts or get it fixed in the largest cities! It is working for the moment so I am just trying to enjoy it.
Yesterday I wanted to charge my phone which Mary has been very kindly letting me do on her battery, she said that Davey was going to be playing music at a house brewing local beer and if I was ok with it I could charge my phone there. I said sure, so Queen (her 16 year old niece) and I went. I have seen these men drink and I know they do it to extremes, I was prepared for this, I was also prepared to play mama bear to Queen. If any man even looked at her wrong I yelled at him. A boy and I got in a fight over where she could sit, of course I won. I was prepared for their comments, looks, and even the drunken dancing when they are unable to stand. I decided to try to be a good sport, after all I did not have to be there. I even tried their local beer, it basically tasted and had the texture of vomit going through a blender on crush mode, there were chunks of what I assume are maize flower in it. I was thoroughly disgusted and wanted to throw up. Needless to stay my drinking ceased after two sips.
There is something very sad to be about the local drinking scene. I cannot quite put my finger on it, maybe it is the overly drunken men who are not at home caring for their families or the miserable looking dog that keeps getting kicked and squealing. I try not to judge these things. I love to drink, I just feel my relationship with alcohol is very different than theirs, but I also know that if I had been born in a village and this is the way people drink than maybe I would be no different. What I was not prepared for was the drunk child who could not have been more than four years old. I saw his grandmother give him a sip of alcohol and this even made me very angry. I could tell that he was feeling it, he had a hard time walking and was very focused on the ground when trying to move. I said something to Davey about it, he said yes the child's parents are drunkards and they are not educated so do not know what they are doing. Then I saw the grandmother give the child a full cup of the "beer" which I should point out is much stronger than normal beer, there is no way of controlling or even knowing the alcohol content. The child took the cup and drank it in less than a minute. I was so upset, but I knew that the mother and grandmother were drunk and this was not the place to cause a scene. I kept hoping the child would fall asleep so they would stop giving him beer. Well he more than passed out not long later. I am hoping he kept breathing though the night. I told Mary and we are going to go talk to his mother tomorrow. I will be informing her that I will report this issue to the police if it happens again.
I really wish the people in my village would focus on one major issue at a time, it is becoming rather difficult to deal with them all. But how do I not do something about domestic violence, child abuse, and young girls prostituting. There are laws against all of these things, but like many things in Malawi they are not enforced. Nobody reports these issues, they just look the other way. This is something I am not willing to do.
 |
You are amazing and so inspirational Kendall! I wish I was there yelling at the abusers too! If there is anyway I can help support your mission let me know! Keep being awesome and try to stay safe!
ReplyDelete