A failed adoption story and lately.

So I have not talked much about how I am open to adopting a baby while I am here. I am quite the baby person, I have been since I was a baby. In my first birthday home video I am carrying about three baby dolls, kissing them, and saying "baaaaabbbbbyyyy" over and over again. Well I still feel the same way about babies and kids. Being in a country like Malawi, the life expectancy is rather low. Many women die during childbirth, others shortly after, so many children are left orphaned. At first I thought, I need to go home with a baby, it needs to happen no matter what. As time has gone on, my viewpoint has changed. I feel that when it is right it will happen.

I have let several people know I am willing to take a child that needs a home. I had to make the part "that needs a home" very clear. Adoption is such a huge and sensitive thing. Especially going from Malawi to the States. That child is going to be essentially ripped from its culture, its extended family, and anything close to what life would have been with his/her mother. I do not take this lightly. Nor do I believe, that life with me because I am an American and have money (well relatively speaking, I really don't have anything, but that is ok) is a better one for the child. I have a strong belief that there is nothing wrong with being poor and raising children. As long as the children can eat, and feel love, you are doing a damn good job I think. Children here amaze (and several really grind on my nerves) me each day. There is something about the way they are raised to be independent and functioning members of society that I think most Americans miss when raising their children. I on a daily basis let four year olds help me start a fire, seven year olds take butcher knifes to cut things, and I know they will be fine. Also as infants these children never leave their mother's back, they moment they cry they are tended to (usually via boob in the mouth). So who am I to say that life with me, a young, single, working mom is better than one with your family (even in cases such as extended families). It is not. I have had one person approach me about a three year old who the mother no longer wanted to care for. I said no, one that child is three years old, why did you just now make that decision? How traumatic would it be for that child to be taken from the environment with her family and siblings just to go with me. I knew this was just the about the idea that the white lady was going to come take the kids and save them. I am not interested in that.

This week a different situation came up. Mary came to my house and said that Queen (her 16 year old niece) heard at school that a mother had thrown a baby into the toilet (remember here, the toilets are deep, around 12 feet deep, covered pits). The mother then left the baby and ran away. Within the hour another woman came along to use the toilet, she heard the baby crying and immediately notified the police. They retrieved the baby from the toilet and then handcuffed the mother. The mother claimed it was an accident and the baby was just delivered into the toilet, which was obviously not true, or she would have alerted somebody. When I went the next day to the police station to ask if they needed someone to take the baby while they figured out legal stuff. They said the mother was released with the promise that she would care for the baby. Sounds like a fool proof system to me! I went to speak to the mother at the clinic, with the hopes that she would surrender the baby to me. I felt that she clearly did not want to be a mother and that the safety of this child was at risk. The police man said, I would just have to get permission from her and the family and then there would be a process involved. When we got to the clinic we explained to the nurse why I was there. We then went to talk to the mother. I had learned the mother is a 17 year old orphan girl, her sister had been caring for them both since their parents had died. They gave me the baby to hold and asked what I thought, before they said a word to the mother or her sister. The moment I held that little 5 lb nut, I knew she was not mine. That was the only thing I could think, "This is not my baby." I had been in tears the whole day before, with overwhelming emotions at the possibility of becoming a mother, and walked faster than I ever had in my life to the clinic. But the second I held the baby, I knew it was not right. I knew that no matter what I would take her and it would be fine, if that is what the situation came to. When the nurse asked the mother if she wanted to keep her baby, the sister starting shouting and the grandmother looked very angry, the mother did not say a word. Even though I knew this was not my baby I felt the need to let the mother talk and to at least say why I had come. I requested that we go into a private room.

I carried the baby to the next room and then once the mom was seated I gave her back. I did not want her to have the impression that I wanted to take her baby. I explained to the family that I not there to take their baby against their will, I was only there because I felt this baby was in danger and the mother had clearly felt out of options so she threw her baby in the toilet. Therefor I wanted to provide them another option. The mom would not say anything, would not look at anyone, including her baby. I knew she felt guilty and that there must have been something she wanted to say, but with translation, I am not sure what was said and how it was said to her. When asked if she wanted to keep her baby she just said yes. Then the nurses asked me what I was going to do for the family. I said, "Well if the mother surrenders her baby to me I would be willing to help her with school if she wanted." Then I immediately said, "Do not tell her that though! I do not want her to think this is her only chance to go to school." I also had the feeling that they wanted to make other arrangements for me to basically buy the baby from them. I went on my little rant, "I said I am not here to buy a baby, I am not here to take anyone's baby. You are her mother, you know what is best for you and for her. If you wish to be a mother and will promise to love and care for your baby, I want nothing to do with it. Babies need to be with their moms if they are going to step up and be moms." I had a feeling the nurses had also been pushing her to give up her baby, that was also why I went on this rant. The nurses all agreed that what I said was right and if the mother was not going to give me her baby then it was fine. But the sister then said, "Well you can give us money, but we are keeping the baby." I thought, oh yes let me please reward you for throwing your baby in the toilet. That will be the new thing, if I throw my baby in the toilet the white lady will give me money. Well hell no. I said, "If I were to give you money, I would have to give everyone here money that has babies. I do not have money to simply give out. I am here on a volunteer basis and my money is out, I am having to borrow money just to stay." We finally all decided we were not getting anywhere so the mom and her sister left. I was told a few days later that the mother was discharged with her baby.

 I am also not sure how the adoption process here really works (I have looked at everything I can on the internet and have talked to people I know who adopted, but this is Malawi, pretty much some days things work, while others they do not. I have quite shitty luck here as it is.). I'm sure it would take forever and not be easy! I am still going with if it happens, it happens and I will figure it out, but I am not out actively searching. I am not sure what I would do if I had a child and they would not let it legally be mine and leave the country. Actually I am sure what I would do, I would get a job and live in Malawi until they finally gave up and gave me custody. This does not sound fun to me. I do not want to be a nurse here officially and do things their way, while living off of practically nothing every month. I have put in my time and am getting anxious to go home!

In other news I am going to start work at the Ntcheu district hospital on Friday. I had a meeting with the district health officer (I was dreading this meeting, she is one of my least favorite people.) she said, "I called you here because you said you wanted to come and learn some things on the peds ward." I quickly said, "I am not here to learn. I have been a nurse for four years, I have experience in a pediatric inpatient setting and also in Malawi. Yes there are things I am not comfortable with, such as reading doctor's writing, dispensing meds that I am not familiar with, and prescribing medications that I do not know. But quite frankly I do not wish to learn these things, I think a lot of them are not the way I would do things anyway. I came as a volunteer and to help, I wish to help out on the unit periodically, and help with things I know, and know well." She did not even look at me, just said, "Fine I will send you to talk to the hospital administrator." Well I am glad I met that man! He quickly became my favorite person. He gave me cold drinks and said I was very welcome there. He said we need you here, there are things we do wrong and there needs to be someone with different experience to teach us. I went on a rant about lack of nursing care I have seen and how simple early intervention can make the biggest difference! He agreed and said, well we just need to make sure we get documentation that you are a nurse. Once again I got pissed, I said, "I have sent that information three times to the DHO! I have also been registered in the country, my paper has been misplaced but if you call them I am sure you can verify that I have done orientation in this country." He got my information from my phone, because everything is America is online, and said he would call to verify. He also saw pictures of Goose and asked me about her and about my living situation. He said, "I cannot believe you live that way. I would never live like that, it sounds horrible." This made me laugh, I said, "Oh it is fine, I love living in the village, it is just Malawi that frustrates me. My new plan is to drink more and talk to people less." He laughed and said he would see me next week. On my way out he said, "Say hi to Goose." I then knew that he was a good person. Hopefully it all goes well on Friday! The peds ward is huge and full of lots of sick kids. I think I will have to use some good nursing skills, and hopefully teach the staff to use good nursing skills. I am hoping to be around nurses that actually care and are not just there for the salary! I am excited to see how it goes.

Ok I will leave you with pictures from my phone, and I really need to go to pick up my clothes and head home. No time for pizza (I am sure the tailor that said I had big hips, will be pleased that I will not be eating pizza.). I sat here waiting for the internet to come back for over an hour, this place has certainly taught me patience, but technology are my least favorite things to deal with, well next to the police station, DHO, and immigration office. I will make sure I have another glass of wine before going to immigration again this week. I also did not talk to anyone, and let the man that is working on it with me do the talking. I played on my phone and told myself it was not going to get done. I was right.

Sorry if you follow me on instagram, you have seen most of these pictures.

Getting my hair done, it looked like shit as you can tell that is the goal from the naughty looks on their faces. It also hurt more than necessary I think.

Goose has to be locked inside while I am gone now, she was kicked very hard several times by a teen boy while on the road. You better believe I screamed every profanity I knew at the boy, he went running and the whole village came running. She is fine, just not happy about her lock down.

Martha cutting potatoes with me.

Martha being a freak.

Martha being sassy.

Martha does not have warm fuzzy feelings towards Goose.

With a baby at under five clinic.

Martha, Kate, and Kate's mom. What she is holding is to pound the corn into flour. This is not easy work, I have done it.

Kids in my village now scream "Kendall jumbulia!" If anyone who speaks Chichewa ever reads my spelling, don't judge me! But it means take a picture. This has just started in the past week, but I have been taking a lot of pictures!